The New Ugly - Paco del Stinko

I must be from Wisconsin 'cos I eat a lot of cheese
I pop my pills and snivel a lot oh please don't hurt me please
My tantrum worked 'cos I'm a jerk I got extra days to polish
But truth be told I pre-package so I have more time to frolic

I'm the guy and she's the girl we sing real nice together
It doesn't matter what you say we know that nobody is better
We ain't no fools ignoring the rules 'cos we know that we'll get a pass
Then I'll have a beer and she'll have some wine and we'll share a haughty laugh

New York City is the best the rest of the world is for hicks
I rock real hard even on the go but must include my kids
I'm a family man I don't give a damn when I give you the goo-goo talk
I could make my own Thick As A Brick and write the words down in chalk

We don't even live in a cave they don't have them down by the bay
And he can do all of the singing 'cos I only want to play
Neandrathal or cro-mag man can count divide by three
And we don't care if we lose as long as the slide rule says it's keen

They might be familiar to you but I...am the new ugly

I don't know where I come from and neither do you
But you know the second you hear me 'cos my voice is like a cartoon
Psychedelic but I ain't no relic when I blippety blap to the moon
I'm so clever and so cute that you'll ignore my auto-tune (give me a cookie)

Nick Soma - who the hell is he?

I'm another Californian drinking wine and a chillin'
Please don't find it boring but I worship Bobby Dylan
I'm teachin' up all the kids about science and learnin' stuff
I'd love to ride the boxcars but I'm sure it's way too rough

They might be familiar to you but I...am the new ugly

You can call me Petey or Pedro I suppose
Then I'll give a snort and a snicker as I look down my nose
I'm so unconventional I play my guitar upside down a lot
Off course that means it's backwards but I don't give a squat

Somebody says that I eat kittens and I admit it's true
But nobody seems to give a damn 'cos I play a mean kazoo
I sing and strum and play the drums but I don't know how to twirl the sticks
But that just doesn't matter 'cos they're always in mono in the mix

My hair is grey and gonzo it's the humid Portland air
Or maybe I'm in Washington I don't know and really don't care
I used to be friends with an albatross now I work alone
My Theremin broke a while ago but I can still clunk on my xylophone

You can call me Ray or John or whichever you prefer
I like to play my penis 'cos my hands are covered with fur
Na-na-na and a oi-oi-oi skiddle-diddle-dum-de-do
I have no idea what I'm doing but I'm sure it's better than you

They might be familiar to you but I...am the new ugly