NUR EIN
almost 4 years agoeliminated
3:51
Floating in the Water
Mandibles image
Mandibles

Entry from Floating in the Water in Nur Ein XVII.

Incorporate at least two different narratives from at least 500 years apart

LyricsShow lyrics

Floating in the water
By Manidbles

A bottle came a-bobblin’
by Brighton Beach a-wobblin’;
I fished it out with careful hands
As I sailed past England.
The glass was cloudy emerald
And sparked something ephemeral
Within my heart so curious
I abandoned all injurious
Thoughts of caution to the wind
And shook the contents held within.
*
Oooooh *

A sloshing sound beneath the glass,
Explained by cracks in cork and wax,
Warned me of a sodden treasure,
But did not dampen my own pleasure
At this small discovery
That I found floating in the sea.
Cork and wax gave easily
As if they’d long awaited me,
A silty slurry trickled out
Before the parchment hit the spout
*
Oooooh

Hale hearty sailor! Pray for me,
For my poor heart shall surely break.
My love has taken to the sea,
And left me in his waning wake.

No guiling trinket left behind, go
No lock of satin, flaxen hair,
No laughing bairn will me remind
Of our passionate affair.

Could it be thee who reads this note,
Who sees the ink my pen has bled?
My lover’s eyes, once more afloat
And buoyed by what they have read?

Alas, a stranger, like as not, or
Creature in the briny deeps
Has found this, floating in the water,
While my soul etern’ly sleeps*

The tangled mess of rags, I think,
Held stains that were, at one time, ink;
Their contents, I would never know.
I chuckled at the curio,
And treasure plundered, shook my head,
Gently laid the glass, and revv’ed
The engine, left there rumbling.
The ocean’s gifts, so humbling,
Are mysteries, and rarely more,
That bob between the waves and shore
*
Oooooh *

Reviews

3 posted notes

Future Boy

Forum post

vocals sounding very muffled. i'm not sure what's going on with the drums but they sound like they were made for a totally different song and don't even seem to be in sync with the guitars and vocals? the drums are low key ruining the song. soprano sounding beautiful up in here. pick noise on strummed guitar during that part is really distracting. there is a good song in here, obscured by some of the arrangement / mixing choices.

glennny

Forum post

WTF! What is going on with those drums!?! They are unnecessary and very distracting. This could stand on the rhythm of the acoustic guitars. Was something not muted before submission? This is a beautiful folk song, stuck next to drum practice the room over. I don’t see lyrics yet.

furrypedro

Forum post

I edited this review since reading the explanation about the drum track. That is an unfortunate turn of events, and I understand of course you didn't leave things so late by choice, but I guess them's the breaks in the harsh world of Nur Ein. I had to actually turn it off while I typed the original review as it was so chaotic that I couldn't think straight. The first 13 seconds of it I really liked. The layers of twinkling guitars are really pretty and right up my alley, which is partly what was so disappointing about what followed. Sadly the song isn't good enough to cut through the chaos, but I doubt anything could distract from this total disaster of an arrangement. The correct mix does make infinitely more sense. I'm sorry to say I already submitted my rankings before hearing it.

Mandibles - Floating in the Water | Nur Ein