SHOCK VALUE

NOTE: This song is about an internet date with an "edgelord" (someone who says something for the sake of being edgy, for the pure shock value). The lyrics explore a range of odd things that would be shocking to hear from someone, but perhaps not in the traditional way. The song intentionally tries to shock you, the listener, too, in subtle ways.

Voiceover
Hey, Melissa?
It’s nice to finally meet you in person. I’ve been looking forward to us getting to know each other.

Verse 1
Allow me to demonstrate my social aptitude
If I come off a little offensive, I wasn’t trying to be rude
Well actually I’m a good guy I supported my mom’s rights before my birth
Now, let’s start with a quick summary of my first 25 years here on earth

My first word was fedora
My first steps were out the door
I never really did belong
My parents were concerned that something might be wrong me
When I brought snacks to the classroom, I always brought raisins or banana chips
My favorite toys were the replica guns with the bright orange safety tips

Chorus
When I roll through the hood
It’s almost like I float
My ride handles smooth
Just like I’m driving a boat
The stereo is blasting
A song from my favorite band
Sometimes I get knocked down
But I get up again!

Voiceover
I hope I’m not sharing too much. I’m just trying to be completely honest. I hope you feel like you can be honest with me, too.

Verse 2
My grandfather taught me to fish, with dynamite
When I see a storm is coming, I quickly run outside to fly my kite.
I’ve got one of those belts that exercises abs while you’re sitting around.
When I walk in carpeted halls, I drag my feet behind me cause I like the sound.

Chorus (repeat first)

Bridge
My first girlfriend taught me the Vulcan Salute
I said she was a nerd - and she thought that was cute
I’m not ignorant. I just don’t understand
Why all of our disagreements were centered on Spider-Man

Voiceover
I love these kinds of deep conversations. I kind of feel like I’m doing all the talking though. Here, I’ve got some questions for you.

Verse 3
Do you love your coffee? Do you hate Mondays?
Are you bad at math or remembering peoples’ names?
Have you ever looked at the night sky, and has it made you think?
Who’s your favorite Star Trek character? Mine is Jar Jar binks.

Chorus
When I roll through the hood
It’s almost like I float
My ride feels so smooth
Just like I’m driving a boat
I got a spare life jacket
If you want to ride along
Da wit da ba da bang
Come on, sing along

When I roll through the hood
It’s almost like I float
My ride feels so smooth
Just like I’m driving a big ol boat
I got my radio blasting
My mind is lost at sea
Sometimes I get knocked down
But I get back up eventually

Voiceover
Well, it’s been nice chatting. I’ve gotta run to my martial arts class. But it was really fun learning all about you. I hope we can do this again sometime.