NUR EIN
almost 4 years agopassed
3:11
June Moon
The Lowest Bitter image
The Lowest Bitter

Entry from June Moon in Nur Ein XVII.

Lyrics must contain no rhyming couplets and no perfect end rhymes.

LyricsShow lyrics

LINER SpoilerI started writing lyrics about one thing and then I decided I hated the lyrics. I'm gonna be vague but it was a song about something happening to a friend and it just felt shitty and exploitative to be using someone else's real experiences and real misery for song fodder. So I binned that and made a meta song about mining other people's lives for song material and how weird and icky that is.

I'm not really pleased with how this turned out and the lyrics have ended up a bit of a tangled mess, but maybe the judges will be tricked into thinking they're profound instead of confused. I have a suspicion that I'll need a few drop outs or flagrant challenge violations by other competitors to stay in this time but who knows.

trivialising others lives
a songwriter,
a vulture,
my voice is stolen valor
oh some things are not for songs

and who are you to try and take ownership of someone else's shit?
you don't know anything
and it's a cliché writing songs about the moon,
making the phases a metaphor
for some tedious thought,
a mind is gibbous waning,
shrinking little by little
and mine is no exception
the arrogance of writing a song
like I got something to say,
when I don't know anything at all

who would try appropriate someone else's story?
a songwriter is a vulture,
a tourist in some trauma,
airbnb of misfortune,
well some things are not for writing empty words,
I know,
I'm sorry if I sometimes get it wrong

and who are you to try and take ownership of someone else's shit?
you don't know anything
and it's a cliché writing songs about the moon,
making the phases a metaphor
for some tedious thought
a mind is gibbous waning,
shrinking little by little
and mine is no exception
the arrogance of writing a song
like I got something to say,
when I don't know anything at all

Reviews

4 posted notes

vowlvom

Forum post

I don't think these are your strongest vocals, they're not bad at all but they're not quite as punchy or confident as usual and there are a few pitchy moments. Other than that, I really like this - the synth melodies are good and even if the vocals were born out of last-minute frustration, they flow well and sound good in context. The noisy percussion that drives the stripped down verse is really effective, bet you wish you'd saved it for the sample round though, haha.

Evermind

Forum post

I like the found percussion sounds. There's a weird lispy sound to your voice, it sounds like it may have been over-aggressively de-essed, though this is less of a thing later on in the song, so maybe it's just the early part of the performance? Maybe recorded standing in a different place or facing a different direction? Vocals are pitchy. I like the extreme "zappy" pitch envelope on the synth at 1:43. "My voice is stolen valor" is a good lyric. Concept is good, I sympathize with it.

owl

Forum post

This sonic palette is lovely, I'm very into the mechanical toy box percussion sounds flowing into the big synth layers and the breakdown stuff coming in again at 01:42. I really liked your lyrical approach here; I've definitely had this same thought and struggle when writing songs and it's one of those things you don't hear people writing about every day, much less with the whole moon metaphor and meta-discussion casually thrown in there as well. The vocal melody and song structure didn't feel super strong, the synth hooks are a lot more memorable but in contrast, the vocals felt like they could have either borrowed some of that hookiness, or leaned back the other way into full-on talk-singing or spoken word; they seemed neither here nor there in terms of the melody and delivery.

sailingmagpie

Forum post

Yes, you've gone full chiptune! It's about time someone did! The production reminds me of Kero Kero Bonito, in that it could've been sampled from the soundtrack to a Zelda game. As is customary, your wordplay is absolutely on point. I think you're my favourite lyricist in the competition. Musically this is fantastic but the vocal recording does feel a little more rushed than in previous weeks. I love the meta concept to the lyrics especially the cliched moon section.

The Lowest Bitter - June Moon | Nur Ein