Jon:
This...
this is not how I thought this evening would go.
You seemed so nice, so open, so friendly...
when you asked me out
I thought "Why not?"
even though I haven't been historically gay.
And then today
you tell me this will be an unforgettable date
and I cannot disagree
as here we are
alone in this darkest night
breaking the gate down at Junior's Farm?
This...
this is not how I thought this evening would go.

Ben:
Look
We met at a Fugazi show
You were wearing a pleather vest
With metal, with zippers
And a black bean burrito
That you had held off the cheese on
On the walk to Big Sal's
You cooed at the cat crossing the street
The first to jump forward when the car creamed it
cursing out the skinhead at the wheel
It was sweet
We went home
You inspected my fridge
For reasons I'd like to assume were higher in nature
That I'd like to assume meant
You were an activist vegan?
You are an activist, right?
You are a vegan?

Jon:
OK, this has already started on the wrong chicken foot
so let's clear the air:
I'm allergic to dairy; I fart up a storm.
I wear pleather for pleasure, to keep me most warm.
I was simply uninterested in the cat coming to harm
and I hated that skinhead since first year at dorm.
These are things I should have told you off the bat
maybe
but it was our first meet.
This was our first date. I thought I should be careful
about what I was willing to admit.
But - jeez! Did I just step on an egg?
The yolks on me; and all over my faux suede shoes.
Good god! No more walking on eggshells for me, tonight.
I'mo tell you how I really feel!

Ben:
So not an activist
Not a vegan
And possibly not gay?
historically?
whatever that means?
But there's no turning back now, comrade
The lock has been cut
the fence jumped
the wall scaled
and the shells stepped on
Humpty Dumpty time, mother fucker
We're going to free some chickens
You'll feel their emancipated clucks
The thrill of the man being stuck
And I can guarantee, man, you'll want to fuck
I will change you tonight, I will
Hand me that blow torch

Jon:
This...
This is certainly not how I thought this evening would go
but this...
this is GREAT!
I feel so free
burning down the house
nobody here but us chickens
walking on eggshells...
well it's time to feel good!
All right!
I've never felt this way before
freeing the animals in this uncivil war
gently ensuring their intestines aren't gored.
This is not how I thought the evening would go.
It's better.
Kiss me, Ben!