I don't remember which medication
They were going on about,
I just remember thinking that the
Side effects sounded pretty bad,
And I don't recall just what condition
That pill was supposed to fix
I just remember thinking if it was
Anything that I had,
Based on what I'd heard about the remedies
I might be better off with the disease
(than to go)

Sleepwalking - to the doctor
Sleepwalking - to the drugstore
Sleepwalking - to the bathroom
Get a glass of H20
Sleepreading - past the warnings
Sleepstumbling - through my morning
Sleepdriving - off to work I go:
When I might be better off just saying no.

I know my hairline's in retreat
And there's a bunch of foods I shouldn't eat
Certain parts of my equipment
Don't work the way they did.
I know there's a chance it'll make me sick
But I really want that super dick
And the scalp of someone half my age...
Who'm I trying to kid?
After all these years, I still ain't figured out
Getting old is what this sport is all about.
(still, we go)

(chorus)

Modern medicine has done some wond'rous things;
I know my mom would be a mess
Without her daily Aricept
But it's the mission of the guys down in Marketing
To keep all of us believing
Every day there's one new reason (to go)

(chorus)