The Numbers Don’t Lie
By Cybronica

*The marketing manager at my last job once told me we can make the data fit to whatever story we want to tell prospective clients. It was meant to be a lesson in finding interesting or previously over-looked insights in a massive excel spreadsheet of data points, but it always seemed inherently dishonest. Sure, everything we said was technically true, but it felt like a magician drawing attention away from the sleight of hand.

This song is a creative interpretation of that point, that you can make the numbers say whatever you like if you are creative enough. It certainly always feels like an outsized amount of power whenever I make a pivot table. Anyhoo, enjoy the puns! *

Folks, I’ve got a tale to tell
So gather close and listen well
The story starts with excellent
Plans, such plans!
In our tower in the sky
The cells in which we live or die
Bade the data go awry
Man, oh man..

The numbers don’t lie
And neither do I
There’s so much we could say
The numbers don’t lie
They just say what I like
They never disobey

Month over month and year over year
Our team, they strove both far and near
Making sure the word appeared to
All the world
And when the people heard the news
They made the choice they had to choose
Precious few could bear refuse
What we’d unfurled

The numbers don’t lie
And neither do I
There’s so much we could say
The numbers don’t lie
They just say what I like
They never disobey

When every figure is dressed in black
A little red dress could cause a heart attack
Watch them dance at my command
Pivot and flip at the touch of my hand

The numbers don’t lie
And neither do I
The numbers don’t lie
They just say what I like

We will never blunder if we
ChoreoGRAPH the Numbers
They shall dance to the grand and wonderful
ROI