Sister Cocaine

I knew a girl named Crystal Cocaine back in school
And I remember thinking her name was pretty cool
But twenty years of jokes and jeers had left her offended
And she thought that getting married was a good way to end it

She wasn’t very choosy when she found her fiancé
And he left her for a floozy who was built like Beyonce
Another year alone and she had finally decided
Her name was all she owned and she was foolish to hide it

But with a name like Crystal Cocaine
She faced a life of humiliation and pain
No matter what she did or what she’d say
All that they’d remember was her name

She told the priest her sorrow was as deep as the ocean
He suggested that she follow a life of devotion
A better way was waiting there for Crystal to grab it
'Cause maybe all she needed was to take up a habit

So she hid away her beauty like a pearl in an oyster
And she did her sacred duty with the girls in the cloister
Soon it came time for her to do her missionary service
Even though the Reverend Mother was admittedly nervous

‘Cause with a name like Sister Cocaine
She aimed to bring the nunnery nothing but shame
She could save a hundred souls but at the end of the day
All that they would ever remember was her name
No matter what she did or what she’d say
All that they’d remember was her name

‘Cause with a name like Sister Cocaine
She aimed to bring the congregation nothing but shame
No matter what she did or what she’d say
All that they’d remember was her name