I can't tell if I love this or if I'm turned off by the parts where the repeating line doesn't exactly work. It feels like it's fighting the scale as you do the chorus. Great singing and the stripped back drums are a fantastic tweak. I like how you've taken your home style and melded it with the challenge. I really really like where it gets stripped down, but I'd rather it came back up for a final refrain instead of meander into the repetitive abyss. With that ending, it feels more like "there I did the stupid challenge, see?" rather than ending on a more profound note that it felt like it was building to.

Musically not really up my alley, but it does set the mood well for your story. The story is actually the strongest from this round (so far at least, still have 2 more to review), and keeps me interested throughout the song. In a round without a lot of lyrical details you stand out.

That string patch is terrible, it sounds like it's from an old video game. Your vocals actually sound a little low in the mix to me. Some of the hard left/right panned tracks sound like they could use some high-pass filtering on them, they're too boomy. Mostly though I really like this one too. Dang! I will echo the other folks qualms over the structural symmetry taking away from my enjoyment of the song, it makes the ending drag.