Brownie Points
by The Bovine Recyclery

(A.K.A., Kool-Aid Man gets upset that Betty Crocker discontinues her increasingly-disappointing point program)

Oh no! OH YEAH! Kool-aid man's gonna break down her brick wall. He hates the scam.
See, he's been saving up some stamps cut from Betty's boxes just waitin for something good to show.

But no, it won't. He'd strip-search every page and never find the dope.
Her catalog's so overpriced! He held out hope that she'd come to her senses.
He saved these points on false pretenses.

Points for triple chocolate
Points for peanut butter cup
Points for pointing out points that fell into the trash
Points for SuperMoist yellow
Points for party rainbow chip
Points he couldn't do much with but stick up her

So he cleared his head and he filled it with water.
Yeah, he's gonna drown Betty Crocker and throw in some eggs and oil.
Now all his cake and muffin and brownie points mean nothin'.

Run, Betty, run! And hide!
Kool Aid is on your tracks, he's got an in with Duncan Hines
And what a stand-up guy. He still honors his points, for T-shirts and pitchers and plush toys.

But no, you don't. How can you be so cheap? You had a radio show!
Where'd you drop your integrity? Maybe when you were runnin' for the hills to hide behind the army of that General Mills.

Points for butter pecan and
Points for walnut chocolate chunk
Points for pointing out points that fell into the trash
Points for molten chocolate cake
Points for ye olde apple crisp
Betty's old and cannot swim; here's to a big splash

He cleared his head and he filled it with water
Yeah, he's gonna drown Betty Crocker and throw in some eggs and oil
Now all his cake and muffin and brownie points mean nothin'.