STOLEN DIARY
DJ Ranger Den

There's really no such thing as a Stolen Diary.
A diary's a thing hardly anybody reads.
'cuz no one wants to know your private
stories and no one really cares about your Thoughts and Dreams--so, bitch,

please. be calm about your shit.
I’m pretty damn sure you just misplaced your Precious Little Booklet.
So why don't you check under Mr. Sad Weeping Willow Tree?
... 'cuz no one took your journal!

Just who do you think you are, the lady of SHAH-lohhtt?!
...weaving your ridiculous tales of woe ... SO ... artisanal-ly LONELY, yeah.

You're not the next Anaïs Nin.
Your emotional algebra is second grade arithmetic.
You're insignificant! You’re so irrelevant!
But don’t take me so serious, why're you so damn sensitive!?

You sit here thinking you're the next page-six!
Time for your reality check here--Miss Collective Modern Human Consciousness!

...Every time people say words like this,
it’s worse than stealing some itsy book of secrets ...
It’s like stealing the creator--like stealing all creators
of all diaries that ever ever existed ...
in all of the world;
and on every habitated planet like it
in every solar system in every galaxy in the universe and also...
(Lots more other stuff. None of it's true or real.)