glennny
Forum postThis sounds more like a writing session than a finished product.
When The Time Comes
by Sky Pup
I was a young man
Longhaired and free
Not a care in the world
I met a young girl
With darkest hair and eyes so green
And now she is my world
And when the time comes
I'm going to marry my girl
And when that time comes
I'll be on top of the world
But now I'm sitting in a trench
Playing this guitar
And waiting to be sent to the front line
And when the time comes
I'm going to marry my girl
And when that time comes
I'll be on top of the world
This sounds more like a writing session than a finished product.
Interesting concept. Perhaps a visit to the trencehes istead of a stay there might have worked better. Or, take us away, insde the soldier's head, for a bit. Work on your pitch, too.