Hazardous Waste by Vom Vorton
first contact wasn’t the big thing that we thought it would be
no handshakes, no photo opportunities
just a brief worrying message from the dark side of the moon
received by every country simultaneously
“you need to go
leave this place
the whole planet’s covered in hazardous waste”
the clean-up operation started immediately
geiger counters, water samples, hazmat suits
but nothing was detected that was not really expected
we removed our masks, and changed out of our boots
weeks passed
people forgot
summer came
it got hot
but at the same time
the very next year
came the message
that we feared:
“you need to go
leave this place
the whole planet’s covered…
in hazardous waste”
and so we took our finest rocket and filled it with our finest men
and we flew it to the far side of the moon
and as they stepped onto the surface we heard the final message
as their flying saucer left us to our doom
“we need to go
leave this place
they got out
into our space
we need to go
leave this place
before we get contaminated
by their hazardous waste!”
finally
we understand
it turns out…
that it was man
the message wasn’t meant for us you see
transmitted on the wrong frequency